30+ And Single? How To See It As A Blessing
Do you ever feel like being single in your thirties is some kind of punishment? Like you’re behind, it’s too late, or maybe—just maybe—there’s something wrong with you? Watching your friends get married, settle down, and have babies can make it feel even harder. It can leave you feeling like the last one standing.
Trust me, you’re not alone in this feeling. But here’s the truth: Being single in your thirties isn’t a setback—it’s a golden opportunity. And by the end of this article, you’ll understand exactly why this chapter of your life is a blessing.
The Four Key Opportunities of Being Single in Your 30s
Being single in your thirties is a powerful time for self-growth, reflection, and setting the stage for the kind of love you actually deserve. Here are four key areas you can work on during this period:
Getting Clear on What You Want
Healing From the Past
Getting to Know Yourself on a Deeper Level
Raising Your Relationship Standards
Let’s break these down so you can fully embrace the blessing that this chapter of your life has the potential to be:
1. Getting Clear on What You Actually Want
This is your time to reflect on your true relationship needs and desires—without the influence of a partner. It’s a chance to get clear on your values, the lifestyle you want, and the kind of person you genuinely want to build a life with.
A great place to start is by looking back at past relationships. Ask yourself:
What worked?
What didn’t?
What behaviours are you no longer available to tolerate?
If you’ve never been in a healthy relationship, look at those around you. What do you admire in their relationships? What makes you think, fuck no, I’d never tolerate that?
Forget the films, grand gestures, and Instagram highlight reels. Instead, think about the tiny, intimate moments that truly matter:
The meaningful looks across the kitchen
The silly pet names
The deep conversations under the stars
The inside jokes that make you laugh for hours
Defining what a fulfilling day-to-day relationship looks like for you will give you the clarity to recognise what truly aligns with your heart.
2. Healing From the Past
We can’t control the behaviours of others, but we can control our own patterns. And if you don’t heal from your past, those patterns will follow you into every future relationship.
Ask yourself:
Do I stay quiet instead of speaking up when something upsets me?
Do I let jealousy take over, checking their phone or social media?
Do I lose myself in a relationship, relying on my partner to make me happy?
These patterns don’t make you “bad” at relationships—they make you human. But when you recognise them, you can heal them. Whether it’s through therapy, self-help books, podcasts, or journaling, this is your opportunity to break unhealthy cycles before you step into your next relationship.
3. Getting to Know Yourself on a Deeper Level
Your thirties can be a massive period of transformation. It’s a time to reinvent yourself, step into deeper confidence, and learn to truly love your own company.
So, ask yourself:
What excites me?
What brings me joy?
What makes me feel most alive?
This is the time to validate your own experiences, trust your own decisions, and learn to feel attractive to yourself. When you prioritise your own happiness, you build a life that’s fulfilling without needing someone else to complete you.
4. Raising Your Relationship Standards
When you work on yourself, you become more selective about who you allow into your life—and that’s a really good thing.
High standards aren’t about being picky. They’re about self-respect. They ensure you’re only allowing people into your life who align with your values and energy.
A great way to get clear on your standards is by creating two lists:
Your Non-Negotiables (Standards) – The absolute must-haves
Your Nice-to-Haves (Expectations) – Things that would be great, but you can live without
For example, my standards include:
Non-smoker
Can drive a car
Desires to have kids at some stage
Mostly a positive person (because as an empath, I cannot function around constant negativity)
Whereas my nice-to-haves include:
Six-foot-two or taller
Owns their own home
Entrepreneur or interested in personal development
The clearer you are while you’re single, the easier dating will be. You’ll quickly weed out people who aren’t your person, and you’ll never have to worry about settling. Because when you truly know what you deserve, anything less will be glaringly obvious.
Your Single Era Is a Gift
So, what’s your focus right now—getting clear on what you want, healing, self-discovery, or raising your standards?
And if you’re ready for in-depth support in building your confidence and raising your standards so that you never settle for less than you deserve, check out The Standard Is You.
One of the biggest beliefs keeping you stuck? The idea that you need to have your shit “together” by your 30s. If you’re struggling with societal timelines and want practical steps to stop obsessing over them, read this next—because it’s time to start living life on your terms.
Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.
There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it. But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you.