How to Become the Person Who Gets What They Want in Their 30s
There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it.
But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you. And one of the easiest, most underestimated ways to start showing up as her? Your wardrobe.
No, this isn’t about trends or spending a fortune. It’s about choosing, every single day, to dress and style yourself like the version of you who already has it. That, my love, is where the real rebrand begins.
Let’s dive into what this actually looks like, with real-life examples, mindset shifts, and a sneak peek into how I’ve used this technique for over a decade to shift my identity, boost confidence, and quite literally change my life.
(This blog post was adapted from the transcript of a live video I did on Instagram. To watch the video instead, go here.)
Why Your Wardrobe Is Your Secret Superpower
We all get dressed every day. We decide what to wear, how to style our hair, and whether or not to swipe on some lipstick. And those tiny decisions? They’re not so tiny. They set the tone. They communicate who we believe we are to the outside world, and who we’re becoming.
This isn’t about performing for other people. This is about you anchoring into your next level identity with intention. Because if you’re feeling stuck, bored, behind, or even heartbroken… shifting how you show up physically can help you emotionally catch up to where you want to be.
This is one of the tools I teach inside The Standard Is You — my 12-week coaching programme to help women in their 30s raise their standards and stop settling. Because when you show up like the woman who gets what she wants, it’s only a matter of time before your life matches that energy.
Scenario 1: The Post-Breakup Rebrand
We’ve all been there. That soul-sucking breakup where you feel like a shell of yourself. Maybe you thought they were “the one.” Maybe it ended suddenly. Maybe you’re grieving the future you pictured.
When I went through my last big breakup, I knew I didn’t want to sit in the sadness forever. I wanted to anchor into the identity of the healed version of me, the one who felt peaceful, confident, and secure.
Ask yourself:
What does the healed version of me wear?
What colours make her feel calm?
What materials feel comforting and strong?
For me, it was soft, cosy outfits that made me feel calm. It was clothing that felt comfortable on whilst making me feel comfortable in my own skin at the same time. And importantly, I wanted to feel loved, even without a relationship.
If you’ve been blaming your body for a breakup (I’ve been there), dress in a way that reminds your body she’s worthy. Wear things that highlight your favourite features. Buy lingerie just for you. That’s next-level self-love.
Scenario 2: You’re Ready to Meet Your Husband
You’re done with “meh” dating. You’re dating with intention. You’re ready for your husband (or wife). So… who do you need to be to attract that?
Let’s be clear: I’m not saying change who you are. I’m saying amplify the real you who’s confident, emotionally secure, and grounded in her worth.
How do you want to feel on that first date?
Confident in your skin
Grounded in your self-worth
Attractive to yourself, not just them
For me? Red is my power colour. When I went on a first date recently, I wore a red skirt that made me feel feminine, playful, and like myself. I skipped the red lipstick (a little too bold for the vibe I wanted), but kept the theme: confident but casual, feminine but not fussy.
This isn’t about dressing to impress them — it’s about dressing in a way that impresses you. Because when you’re sitting across from someone new and you already feel attractive and worthy, you’re not looking for their approval. That’s sexy AF.
Scenario 3: You Want the Career Glow-Up
You’re craving that next-level role. The raise. The recognition. You want to be seen as that woman, the one who gets shit done and owns her space.
So how would the already-promoted version of you show up?
Try this identity anchoring:
Success → Tailored, sharp, structured pieces
Self-assured → Clean, polished looks with confidence-boosting details
Respected → Materials that feel elevated: silks, quality knits, gold jewellery
Back when I worked an office job but dreamed of running my business by the sea, I used to wear a bikini under my clothes. Yep. Because even though I was in grey UK weather, I was already embodying the future me who worked from the beach.
And eventually? I became her. I moved to an island, ran my business online, and wore a bikini every day.
Dressing like the version of you that already has it isn’t about faking it. It’s about aligning with your future, one outfit at a time.
The Makeup + Hair Identity Hack
Your clothes aren’t the only tools in your rebranding kit. How you style your hair and do your makeup matters too, because it affects how you feel in your body.
Some examples from my own life:
Need to feel bold AF? Red lipstick. Always.
Feeling a bit fragile? Lighter shades of red, enough to lift my mood without overwhelming me. Or a nice neutral.
Want to feel girly? Pink lips, loose hair, and something floaty.
Feeling grounded + peaceful? No makeup, or just a tinted SPF and hair loosely tied back.
Hair tied back = strong, focused, ready to lead. Hair down = relaxed, warm, open energy. Neither is “better”, they’re just tools to express the version of me I want to be that day.
What If You’re on a Budget?
You don’t need to buy an entirely new wardrobe to step into your next-level self. You can start right now by styling what you already own in a new way.
Here’s how to do it:
Create “identity outfits”: Pull together 2–3 outfits from your current wardrobe that match specific feelings (e.g., “confident & calm” or “boss energy”).
Use accessories intentionally: A bold lipstick, a pair of gold hoops, a signature perfume… these little details shift how you feel.
Declutter energy-draining clothes: If something makes you feel ‘meh’ every time you wear it, donate it. You deserve better.
Start a Pinterest board: Curate looks that feel like her — the version of you who gets what she wants. Use it as visual inspiration.
This Isn’t About Clothes. It’s About Identity.
Using your wardrobe like this isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming more of yourself, the version of you who:
Doesn’t shrink herself for anyone
Walks into a room and owns it
Sets the standard, instead of waiting for permission
And that’s what The Standard Is You is all about. It’s my 12-week programme designed to help you raise your standards, build rock-solid self-worth, and become the woman who gets what she wants.
Whether it’s the relationship, the career, the lifestyle, or just the deep, delicious self-confidence to back yourself, this is where we stop settling and start embodying.
You don’t need to wait to be chosen, validated, promoted, or loved by someone else.
You get to choose yourself now, and dressing like the version of you who already has it? It’s one of the easiest ways to start.
Final Thought: Get Dressed Like It’s Already Yours
The most powerful version of you doesn’t arrive overnight. She’s built—daily—in the small choices you make. Like what to wear. What colour lipstick you swipe on. How you style your hair.
You don’t need a whole new life or endless shopping sprees to become the person who gets what she wants in her 30s. You just need to start dressing for the part. Because when you feel like her, you act like her. And when you act like her? That’s when everything changes.
So tomorrow, when you’re standing in front of your wardrobe—ask yourself this: What would the woman who already has what I want wear today? Then wear that. Walk like her. Speak like her. Become her. Now. Not when you’ve achieved the things you desire.
Because you’re not behind. You’re not average. You’re just one decision away from rebranding your life, and it starts with what you put on in the morning.
Enjoyed this series and want to go deeper? Learn more about The Standard Is You and get ready to upgrade every area of your life—because you are the standard.
And if you missed the previous posts in the Rebrand Your Life series, you can read them here:
Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.
There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it. But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you.